--Between a strong grandfather and a righteous father
When we are born, we first learn how to view the world.
Good and evil, strength, righteousness,
how to create security,
how to handle anger.
Before we learn these things from books,
they enter our bodies as the air in our homes.
A "reference point" - an amazing grandfather
This family
once had an incredible grandfather.
He was respected outside,
his words carried weight,
and the atmosphere changed just by his name.
He was a source of pride for the family,
and at the same time, a standard.
If you weren’t like him,
you were worthless.
No one would say it out loud.
But the air around you spoke so.
My father was a "righteous man"
My father was a teacher.
He was serious,
followed the rules,
and knew the right words to use.
But compared to my grandfather,
he seemed quiet.
My father
never scolded harshly.
He never raised his voice.
He never used force.
These were virtues, but
at home,
it was seen as unreliable.
Why I didn't feel safe at home
Mother and father often argued.
Voices clashed,
emotions flew,
and the atmosphere was endless.
Children learn.
Righteousness cannot protect
a home.
Silence does not provide strength.
Home became a place of tension,
rather than a place of rest.
The lifestyle chosen by children
The child growing up in this home
would see two images:
– A strong, feared grandfather
– A righteous, disrespected father
He couldn’t be either.
But one thing was clear:
If he appeared weak,
it was over.
So the child
chooses strength.
A loud voice,
a rough attitude,
a clear distinction between superiors and subordinates.
That’s not personality.
It’s a way of survival.
Why do we only act tough against weaker opponents?
The strength learned in this house
is not connected to a sense of security.
Therefore,
It cannot be used against truly strong opponents
or those who fight back.
It can only be used against juniors
women
and those in a weaker position.
This is not cruelty.
It is fear management.
What no one in my family taught me
There was just one thing missing from this house.
And that was the feeling that it’s okay not to be strong.
My grandfather was too strong.
My father was too righteous.
My mother suffered too much.
No one showed the ability to “just be.”
Family isn't evil
There are no villains in this story.
My grandfather,
my father,
and my mother were all struggling to survive in their own eras.
But
structures shape people.
Good intentions alone
cannot stop the cycle.
Those who break the chain are quiet
Outside of this family,
someone appears who lives a different life.
Someone who doesn’t raise their voice,
don’t create hierarchies,
and doesn’t prove their strength.
That person
doesn’t take part in the family story.
Just that alone shakes the chain.
Conclusion
Family can be a place that protects people, or it can bind them.
The important thing is not to blame anyone.
Is this your life or a continuation of your family?
It’s about discerning the difference.
The cycle cannot be broken by fighting.
It ends by quietly stepping down.