Learning compassion through playing with others: How to become a golfer who doesn’t upset others

Two Couples Golfing Hitting Tee Shot Along Fairway With Driver With Clubs In Foreground
Golf etiquette is not simply about rules and etiquette. It is a system of advanced “spiritual consideration” that involves respecting the concentration of others, not disturbing their emotional waves, and “listening” to each other’s inner thoughts. The “compassion” that Buddhism preaches is not simply “kindness,” but an attitude of “noticing” the suffering and anxiety of others and trying to alleviate them. And the sport of golf is truly a “dojo” for practicing this compassion.

Golf is a "silent battle with others"

In playing with others, you and the other person are always close to each other. What is required in such a situation is not “winning or losing,” but “consideration.” Every move you make, such as not making noise when the other person hits the ball, not making eye contact with you, not putting pressure on them, not overreacting to their mistakes, not trying to “heal” their silence, but “being with them,” is directly connected to the other person’s mental state. In other words, playing with others is a training in “the skill of not being disturbed,” and a place to train in compassion.

Buddhist Mind: "I am right" is a worldly desire

In Buddhism, “egoism” – the desire to be right and to be right – is said to be the root of earthly desires. Even in golf, the imposition of values ​​such as “you should do this” or “you should do that” can cloud the atmosphere of play. For example, we unconsciously give “advice” to beginners. Or we have “unspoken expectations” about the playing style of our opponents. All of this is an intention to dominate in the name of “righteousness.”

Compassion is the “strength to watch in silence” and “not to disrupt that person’s pace.”

It's not that you "don't read the atmosphere," but that you "don't respect the atmosphere too much."

Being too considerate will tire you and others. In Buddhism, the “middle way” is said to be important – not going to extremes and maintaining a balance. In golf, apologizing excessively, encouraging excessively, being too silent – all of these can be seen as “selfish consideration.” True compassion is not about “reading the air” but about “not making the atmosphere more tense than necessary.”

Five Rules of Compassion in Partner Play

1. The moment of hitting is a sacred space. During that time, you should be careful with your words, movements, and even your attitude.

2. Silence has meaning. Don’t console. Don’t interpret. Share the silence.

3. Calm down your anger yourself. Don’t let your frustrations fly like the wind and spread to others.

4. Don’t judge “skill” by its superiority or inferiority. There may be differences in skill, but there is no difference in “respect for the situation.”

5. Be quiet and beautiful when you leave. Even if you lose, it’s the way you leave that stays in people’s memories.

The golf course is the front line in learning compassion

Although golf is a sport where players compete for points, there is no other sport in which consideration for others is as refined as it is in golf. It is a condensed version of everything that Buddhism preaches about “maturity of the mind.”

Maintain the concentration of your companions.
Don’t get caught up in emotions.
To be together in silence.

That’s not good manners, it’s mercy.
That’s not good manners, it’s mercy.